Peapeapenisu
by meltedpoo
Summary: It is a truth generally acknowledged that both Shizuo and Izaya have pretty impressive architectures. Now the only thing left is to see it.


**A/N: **Can we just pretend that Shizuo plays tennis? Because I'm stuck in the past and I'm still not over with Prince of Tennis.

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><p><strong>Pea-pea-penisu<strong>

It was a beautiful Monday morning when Izaya first caught a glimpse of Shizuo's peacock.

Izaya being Izaya fucking Orihara didn't want to be a good student and attend classes. It was more a lazy day for Izaya than the normal reasons of normal students for skipping classes. (I.E terrible urge to masturbate, smoking, hatred for classmates or whatever complex teen problem there is) But to be fair, Izaya Orihara is far from normal.

This beautiful Monday morning, however, is not the time to be talking about Izaya's normalness- or abnormalities. For this day we talk of cocks barely hidden behind a school uniform's fabric.

Izaya was happily basking in the sun when the sound of ball (Please, reader, control your mind. It's the _normal _kind) against wall caught his attention.

'_Tch! How annoying.'_ Izaya thought as he gave up his comfortable position, ready to troll the gatecrasher in his perfect little escape and get his peaceful day back, devoid of balls and other unnecessary sounds. He sat up and cast a glance at the wall in his right angle. Please take your time in imagining a setting where Izaya can see Shizuo clearly playing against a wall while Shizuo remains oblivious since it is beyond my brain's capacity to describe it.

Izaya muttered a low, "Oohh.." of wonder under his breath. This certainly was a treat for our trolling informant. Shizuo, for him, is the monstrous guy who runs around sending terror to people and street signs and vending machines alike. A tennis-playing Shizuo seemed to him so unreal, as if it was only a fantasy, a fanfiction in some site meant for sexually-deprived girls. But this was real. He was seeing this with his own two eyes.

An idea struck Izaya at a very fortunate time. There was only one way to be 100% sure that this was real. He allowed his gaze to never hold back and traveled down…down…down Shizuo's body, finally settling on the slight bulge in the middle.

Izaya let out a sound that was definitely not human. It was huge! Okay, perhaps it was no match for his but it was definitely something that he wanted to see. Or touch. Or both. Not that he was gay but there is something good about holding something in your hand that _perfectly_ fits your palm. Shizuo's penis looked like it would be just the thing for that kind of experience.

He stared at it intently.

"Hehe…" Izaya giggled madly. This was good! '_Bouncy, bouncy perfect balls.'_

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><p>Shizuo rubbed his sore neck as he showered in the school's shower room. He gave off the impression that he was never tired, that his body tolerated all kinds of discomfort and maybe that is the case. He had learned to disregard physical pain but as the water ran down his body, he felt like giving in for once and just relax. He sighed and closed his eyes contentedly.<p>

"You seem tired."

"Mmhhmm…"

"Shall I massage you, Shizu-chan?"

"Mmhhmm…"

Soft hands started stroking his body, making him tingle. Someone started massaging his shoulders with almost perfect rhythm to that of the running water. This felt good. _Really_ good.

"Does it feel good, Shizu-chan?" A voice close to his ear whispered. He nodded almost imperceptibly.

One hand started moving down, touching his thighs, another moved up front and stroked his nipples. He was barely aware of a slight bulge constantly nudging and brushing his butt whenever the person who owns the hands moved.

"Do you mind…" the voice asked, his hand slowly, very slowly, traveling down to Shizuo's cock, "...if I touched it?" In one fluid motion, the hand that was on his thighs are now cupping his penis like some delicate china.

At the back of Shizuo's mind he knew this was wrong. He should be moving, he should be going ape shit and accusing someone of sexual harassment but he was frozen. His mind was sedated. He was tired and the water and the soft hands were so relaxing it drowned out all his reasonable thinking.

The mystery sexual harasser started wriggling so that the bulge (Shizuo was by now quite convinced it was a penis) came in and out of contact with his skin. It was annoying. It was like trying to find a word that is at the tip of your fucking tongue. If the guy wanted his penis to touch his butt he should just do so! Shizuo liked the feeling of that contact though he would never admit it and every time the body moved away, it was like waiting impatiently for the climax in a porno flick.

"Do you like this, Shizu-chan?" and the body stayed still, cock in contact with Shizuo's butt, hands still stroking his nipples and balls.

Shizuo was suddenly hard.

And the spell was broken.

The man let go and started laughing uncontrollably. He was still out of breath when he exclaimed in between gasping breaths, "Shizu-chan…hard" and started laughing some more.

Shizuo turned and got the biggest shock of his life. There was the flea, naked and laughing with tears in his eyes. Shizuo has never been more humiliated. He was tricked! And he gave in so easily. He was _beyond _mad. He was murderous. Unfortunately for him, there was no good substitute for a vending machine in the school shower room.

"III- ZAAA- YAA!" Shizuo shouted and grabbed Izaya's shaking wrist. He pinned the smaller guy to the wall. Izaya grinned, unable to erase the traces of hysterical laughter in his face.

"Shut the fuck up! You're just as hard as me."

"Ah but Shizu-chan, mine's LARGER so it's not as funny. But yours…" and he laughed some more.

Shizuo's fists curled up. He was helpless. There was nothing to throw. Izaya was stark naked so he couldn't throw him and frankly, the guy was too fast for him.

Impulsively, he grabbed the still laughing Izaya by the hair and kissed him full on the mouth, giving instructions to his tongue to **not** hold back. Izaya's eyes widened and he fainted.

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><p>AN: We all know what happens next. Izaya dies. It's impossible for one person who has laughed so hard, thereby losing oxygen, and then kiss the next minute. Izaya is dead. Let's face it.


End file.
